Best Detroit Biz Names

Detroit's collection of business names blows any other city I've been to out of the water. Proud, overstated, unique, direct. Many of these places still operate with open doors, but lots of them have been gone for a while. Their signs hang on empty buildings, frozen in time but still amusing. Here's the ten best I've seen, in no particular order except the order they came to me-


Hy-Grade Deli- This is a gem. Not even "hi-" as in "high" as in the opposite of "low" grade. Nope. Hy-. Like who knows what. But its definitely not Lo-Grade. Unless you're talking about their food, like the deli part. Cause that needs lotsa work. Unless you're looking for an instant blowout. Then it's perfect.

Sabb's- I really like Sabb's. You gotta lean back when you say it. "Saaaabb's". Goin' to Saaaaabb's. It was a bar, but the roof's caved in and there's always a bunch of zombies pissing on it. Too bad. I'm sure it would be a great spot for a mid-day two-minute drill.

D'Elegance Lounge- I can't figure out how to say it. "Delegance lounge"? "Dah-elegance lounge"? Either way, nobody's gonna steal that one. But its their loss. I'd be there in a heartbeat if it was open.

Mike's Famous Ham Place- Not to be confused with Jim's Famous Ham Place. Or Dave's. You gotta check the 1964 yellow pages for those ones. This one is all Mike himself. And Mike tells you his Ham Place is FAMOUS, so believe it!

Tall - Eez- It's a women's over-sized shoe store. Tall-Eez. It sounds so good. Why make it hard for big folks to get shoes? When you could make it easy. Like Ee-z. Like Tall-Eezy. Like Sunday morning.

Happy Bar- It's a no-brainer.

Motz's- Next time you play hangman, use this. You'll win.

Customized Dental Laboratory- Nothing to write home about, but they advertise "Denture Work of the Future." Wow! Is that like teeth made out of computer chips?! I'm down.

Donut Villa- Again, not the greatest name, but "Home of the Nicklenut" is crafty. Especially because it is true. Donut holes: five cents.

Gospel Hands Car Wash- It counts as going to mass. And you get two birds with one stone. You just have to sing. And wear a robe. Or it doesn't count.